• By Lt. Tim McMillan

What Loving My Wife Has To Do With Gay Rights

My wife shared with me an experience she had two weeks ago when she ran into someone who was once our son’s daycare teacher. My wife was out with our son when they bumped into his previous teacher. The teacher asked my son, “Do you miss me?” My son’s response was to ignore her as if she had spoken to him in the ancient language of Sanskrit. In an effort to explain my child’s rudeness, which truthfully was more about shyness, my wife said, “Yeah, he's not one for being mushy. His wife or husband is going to be real disappointed in him one day if they are looking for the emotional type.” My wife told me the woman, looked at her with an expression of dismay and said, “Don't talk like that. You mean just his wife.”

Now, I am not the only one in the family who isn’t afraid to buck the system for what they believe to be morally and ethically right. Therefore, my wife’s response to the former teacher was, “No, I mean wife or husband. Whatever he ultimately ends up being someday.” I assume that this woman quickly realized that it would be futile to debate the merits of one’s sexual orientation and therefore the conversation ended rather quickly after this with pleasantries and goodbyes. When my wife later told me the story her response to the woman being seemingly disturbed that someone could acknowledge their child might grow up to be homosexual and they were perfectly ok with that, was, “I mean happiness is hard to come by. Why limit yourself.”

And that is why I love my wife…

What my son’s former teacher demonstrated was a complex and prevailing form of prejudice, in which is when a parent harbors prejudice potentially against their own child. Preconceptions towards homosexuality can be somewhat compartmentalized when they are exhibited by someone who themselves is not gay. However, these same prejudices become far more challenging if one considers that they could be a parent of a child who is gay.

The overwhelming consensus amongst scientists is that sexual orientation is determined by biological and environmental factors. With that said, the prevailing paradigm is that sexual orientation is chiefly the result of biological factors, with environment playing only a minor role. Most importantly, virtually all legitimate scientists agree that sexual orientation is not a matter of choice. In essence, as far as science goes, the evidence says that one wishing their child wasn’t gay and $1.00 will get you a coke out of a vending machine, and that’s about it.

So in reality, it doesn’t matter what one’s race, ethnicity, culture or religious background is. All individuals are capable of having a child who is homosexual. Now, one has to ask themselves, what is the most important thing as a parent? One’s opinion on homosexuality or the love for their child?

Ultimately, does anyone believe that their child’s sexuality defines who they are? I hope everyone’s answer is no. Because no one should know better than a parent how much more there is to their child than their sexuality. In truth, this is the same about all people. There are a billion other things that characterize who someone is other than their sexuality.

Either way, everyone should love their children no matter who they are. Most importantly, a significant component of that love should always be the desire to see your child happy. So as my wife said, happiness is hard to come by, why limit it?

Tim McMillan is a retired police lieutenant and investigative intelligence analyst; and holds BA's in mathematics and cognitive psychology. Primarily, focusing on the Defense and Intelligence Communities, he now uses his unique background, coupled with a willingness to examine any mystery, to deliver groundbreaking investigative reporting. Tim is a contributor for The War Zone, Vice, and Popular Mechanics

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© Lieutenant Tim McMillan All Rights Reserved by The Raziel Group LLC