The night of July 7, 2016, was a tough night for me. That was the night I heard about the sniper attack in Dallas, Texas. that claimed the lives of five police officers.
That night I felt myself sliding towards hate, and evil because I was hurt and mad at the loss of life. See, as a police supervisor, I not only have to worry about keeping my promise to my wife and kids to come home everyday, I also feel this devote obligation to my officer's families to make sure they get home everyday as well. So for me the night of the Dallas shooting hurt for many reasons.
Now, a year later, I want to share what I wrote the night of the Dallas shooting. I want to share it, so that I can express the struggles that I went though that evening. In truth, my emotions that night were not dissimilar from so many other people's, whenever a tragedy hits us close to home. I want to share my thoughts from that night, in hope, that even if it is just one person... just one single person who reads them, it might make them decide not to give into hate... Because even if it's just one person, that chooses not to hate, then sharing it now, makes it worth it.
"I got into a fight today. A fight with myself. I was angry at things that occurred in the country today. I felt myself becoming ideologically "radicalized". I felt anger, hate, willingness to do violence against others. I felt evil creeping into my heart.
Somewhere in-between feeling my daughter kicking in wife's belly, or watching the boys as they slept I realized giving in to evil, into darkness, into the devil was scarier than anything else I could imagine.
So behind the badge I wear, behind the clothes I wear, under my skin, exist a belief. A belief in the goodness of humanity, and faith in the power of love. No matter how many of us you kill, you will never kill that belief or faith. For me, I choose to stand up and say, I refuse to hate.
So God bless every single person who wakes up tomorrow to this world. And may those who aren't here anymore's memories be a blessing that ignites sparks of unity amongst us all."