- By Lt. Tim McMillan
From The Lieutenant's Inbox. The Greatest Hits
When you have a public Facebook page you can end up receiving a host of “interesting” correspondence through messenger.
Now, in the past I have shared some of the messages sent to me in order to expand on a more significant issue. However, tonight I decided to do something a little different. Unlike my past “Messages from the Lieutenant’s Inbox” posts, tonight I thought I would share a couple of the more humorous messages I have received in the past year.
These are only a small sample of some of the interesting messages I get, however, for some reason these three have always stuck out in my memory. Additionally, the messages stand-alone by themselves and need very little further elaboration.
So without further ado, here goes three of my favorite messages from 2016-2017. I hope you enjoy.
This first message comes from late October of 2016. At the time, I was still very new to dealing with a public Facebook page and had not become familiar with all of the ins and outs of everything. Additionally, at the time Facebook, had not refined their system so that a page’s “auto reply” feature only responded with an auto-reply to the first message someone sent you. Instead, at the time, every message that was sent received an auto-reply response.
Imagine, my surprise one October afternoon when I opened up my inbox and discovered that a person had engaged in an entire conversation and ultimately got angry with my automated reply.
"I just wanted to message you and say that you're a good man and I appreciate your service. Thank you.
"Thank you for messaging me. Please understand as, a Husband, Father, Police Lieutenant, and Activist I can often be very busy, so it may take me a while to respond. However, I will try to ensure that I get back in touch with you ASAP. Thanks- Lt. McMillan
"Oh You Are MARRIED! So sorry to BROTHER (sic) you don't have to worry about a response.
Auto Reply: …
"I got that the first time. I'm not stupid. I SAID don't worry about messaging me back. BTW tell your wife she's lucky! I have 3 kids, but their dad is a piece of shit and I have to do everything for them.
Auto Reply: …
Woman: SCREW U! I get it! Have a nice life!
Auto Reply: …
This next message came in January of 2017.
Now, indeed over the year I have got some hate mail. Truthfully, it probably isn’t nearly as bad as it could be considering some of the topics I bring up. Mostly, angry messages come from some person who disagrees with something I’ve said and they want to make sure I’m well aware of their opinion.
However, on rare occasions I have received legitimate White supremacist hate mail. I assume to some extent the rarity of these messages come from the fact that most Neo-Nazis or White Supremacist must be at least savvy enough to realize that very little anonymity exists on Facebook or the internet. In addition, as a real live active duty cop, I am privy to some technology systems that the average public isn’t provide the potential of a cybercrime has been committed or a person may represent a threat to public safety.
The following message comes from one of those rare instances and it also represents one of the times the sender probably should have thought their actions through a little better than they did.
"Of course a liberal cop would be a Jew. You belong in a oven not wearing a badge!"
"A conventional oven or convectional oven?" I'm just curious. It makes a difference you know. Convectional ovens allow for faster and more through heat transfer. It makes a difference. Basically, are you wishing genocidal death on me, by an amateur or someone who knows their way around the kitchen?
"Also will there be any torture or enslavement leading up to death? I feel like a lack of foreplay would make one a very selfish Nazi. I'm not just some kind of Jew who is going to jump in the oven on a first date. I expect some romance."
"Oh and by the way, how is the weather in Michigan (used Nazi's real name)? It's uncharacteristically cold down here right now.
Enjoy being on the FBI's domestic terrorism list, along with all the perks of showing up on NCIC and NIC background checks. Kind of a shitty way to start out life since your only 17-years-old.
Right now you must kind of feel like Hitler in a bunker under the Reich Chancellery, as allied bombs rain down and 3 million Soviet troops pour into the streets of Berlin.
Congrats, my man... you're living the dream. No need to thank me."
Facebook: User is no longer available.
This last message was sent to me on Christmas Eve in 2016.
As I previously mentioned, I will get my fair share of messages from people who are upset with something that I have said. However, the following message is so far my all-time favorite angry messenger to date. I am fond of this particular message because in this instance the sender was SUPER PISSED! However, though they assumed they were super pissed at me, in actuality they were super pissed at ANOTHER cop.
In fact, the particular incident that the messenger was so upset with, was the December 21st, arrest of a mother and daughter by a Fort Worth, Texas Police Officer, after the mother had initially called 911 to report her neighbor had choked her young son. My only involvement with this entire case, which I assume led this gentleman to my page, was that I had been publically very highly critical of the officer’s actions. In fact, I wrote a series of articles breaking down the entire incident expressing my displeasure with what can be seen on the officer’s body camera video.
How this guy got from me being critical of the officer to being the officer, I have no idea. Honestly, I think what makes me fond of this particular series of messages, is the schizophrenic way the guy flips on me throughout his correspondence. Here is our following exchange and I think you’ll see what I mean. Ironically, this was also one of the times I had turned the “auto-reply” feature off on my messenger.
“Are you that same Spineless Fuck Up that Arrested a Mother and her daughters after another man choked her 7 year old Son??”
“I’ll tell you what...had ANYONE choked ANY of my Children, I would have Broken their Arms....Right about now, I'm thinking Someone Needs to Break Your Arms for Protecting a Child Abuser. And you're gonna stand in front of the camera and try and sound smart by asking "why not??" Because their not his Children, you Spineless Fuck Up. These are the Laws of Man, you Do Not Touch Other Peoples Children..you Braindead Simpleton.”
“You are very Lucky I wasn't There watching your Stupidity Flourish and Grow.”
“Racist Pedophiles like you that hide behind badges and Protect other Pedophiles and Child Abuser don't deserve a second chance. I Will make you Infamous ...you Misguided Fuck Up.”
“Huh?” I am not the officer in the video. I actually don't work in Texas and never even visited the state in my life. I am actually the cop who was publicly critical the officer in Texas and said his actions were wrong.
“I'll be honest I didn't read past the I'm not that guy line.. Happy Holidays to you and Yours...Stay Good and Safe
I hope everyone enjoyed these three messages as much as I did. As Yom Kippur comes to a close, and the start of the Jewish year hits full swing, I look forward to seeing what exciting things the new year has in store. Assuredly, I will accumulate a new "Greatest Hits" batch of messages to share this time next year.
I can't wait!